Thursday, May 28, 2009

A Fresh Start

Next week is the start of a new year for us. Fresh start! Boy, do we need it!

The past two years have been complicated...difficult...frustrating. Finally, we feel like we are getting back into focus. Family, schooling, fun. Yeay! Now, if I don't mess it up. Why do I put so much pressure on the "homeschooling" part of life? It's a huge responsibility, granted, but I'm normally a mostly laid back and easy going person. Where's all the pressure coming from? hmmm.. anyone else feel it?

I'm trying (maybe desperately) to find the balance- between achieving goals (those lesson plans and great ideas!) and letting go of the pressure. It will be a daily battle. I don't even know if I will win or quite what that will look like. But I'm ready to fight for it. I'm ready to try it again. I'm ready to let God work on me so He can work through me and reach my children.

A week ago I wasn't sure if I had done the right thing in keeping my boys home through my year of treatment. I was being tormented with doubt. It hurt. Big hurt! I questioned everything...had I been selfish? foolish? Did I damage our relationships? Would they hate this time when they looked back on it? It took some free therapy- you know, friends- to help me see the boys from a fresh perspective. They are happy, healthy, smart, friendly and GODLY children. In other words, they're fine. I haven't ruined them...

So I'm up for the next year! I will strive hard to encourage them. We will try to learn, laugh and have adventures together. And pressure- go knock on someone else's door for a change- we're too busy being a homeschooling family!

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